whats wrong with me?
by saint-laverne
Summary: Remus isn't well. what will he think of the the reason for it ? and what will Sirius think? this is in memory of Sirius Black of whome we all miss dearly. in this story he has the life he always wanted! please R&R contains Mpreg rlsb
1. Chapter 1

**SIRIUS and REMUS Chapter 1 WHEAT'S WRONG WITH ME?**

When Sirius and Remus where in there 5th year at Hogwarts, they discovered that there feelings for each other where far more then really close friends, over time their feelings increased dramatically. Eventually they were driven to the edge and had to accept their feelings for each other and that they where gay. Sirius took the dive and went to Remus one night when they where alone in the common room and told him his feelings. Remus was amazed, and when he told Sirius that he felt the same Sirius flung him self into his arms.

Now, many years on, they're still together. Life was really difficult while being students and the school, but now at Grimmauld Place they can be a lot open rather then keeping it a secret.

It was early Monday morning and the sun was just starting to rise when Remus woke up, he found himself in Sirius's arms and bed by the long extinguished fire. He looked at his partner and grinned sleepily and recalled the events of last night's passionate sex and grinned even more. For the next 5 minutes He just stayed admiring Sirius until sleep nearly engulfed him so he lay back down in Sirius's embrace and continued his dreaming.

About half an hour later Sirius was awakened by the sounds of Remus being sick in the toilet. He got up, still naked (since there where no other people in the house apart for Remus he didn't need to worry about being seen), and made his way to the toilet Remus was in. when he got there it was quite apart from soft whimpering. "Remus love what's the matter?" he said softly in a comforting tone and started to rub Remus's back.

From that Remus's crying slowed. He managed to get up and Sirius wrapped his arms around him. "Oh Sirius, I don't know what's wrong with me I've been like this for weeks now", he managed to say in shaky breaths.

"Shhh it's alright. Why didn't you tell me when it started?" Sirius asked his lover.

"I just thought it was a bug and it would pass" Remus replied still wrapped in Sirius's arms. "But I guess I was wrong".

"Ok. Now lets think, where can we go to get you cheeked out?" Sirius said calmly but in side he was shaking was nerves for his lover. He started walking down the corridor back to his room.

When they got there and sat down on the bed, still entangled in each others arms, that was when Remus faced his long time lover and said, "Erm… well… I think I could go alone to St Mungo's" and tried to smile to reassure Sirius. "Since Hogwarts is closed for the summer and we haven't read any thing on this sort of thing I think St Mungo's is the best decision. But, unfortunately, you wont be able to come since your still on the 'wanted' list".

Sirius sighed knowing that Remus was right. "Well, no matter how much I hate leaving you, I guess your right. When do you want to go?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus looked down and snuggled even closer to Sirius and said, "as soon as possible if that's alright with you? I dying to know what's wrong with me"

Sirius's grip tightened around Remus and he nuzzled his face in to his shoulder. "Ok you can go in an hour but please come back as soon as possible" he pleaded trying to hold back tears.

Remus looked up and said in a soft tone "Yes" and placed his lips on Sirius's. He felt his lover melt into him almost instantly and mix his warmth with his.

After long dragged minutes of intense snogging Sirius reluctantly broke apart from Remus. "Love you better start to get ready to go to the hospital," he whispered in his lover's ear.

Forty-five minutes later Remus was showered, dressed, feed and ready to go. They had agreed that he could just apperate to St Mungo's. Both men were in Sirius's bedroom and shearing a goodbye kiss, or several, before Remus vanished. Sirius then sat on the bed and tried to calm his nerves

Remus reappeared at the front entrance at St Mungo's hospital.

He stepped inside the building and was standing in a large brilliant white room with many desks and many people most had some sort of thing wrong with them and others were probably there visiting some one.

Remus looked up to the large board and started reading the titles of the various wards. After examining all of them and failing to find the most suitable one he went over to the doctor, who was wandering around for the past few minutes while Remus was studying the board, "excuse, me but I'm stuck on what ward to go to would you be able to point me in the right direction please?" Remus asked as politely as he could. The doctor turned around and smiled. To Remus he looked to be about in his 60's. He was short and a bit rounded; he had round glasses and a bald patch on top of his head.

"Yes of course. Are you visiting someone?" the doctor asked cheerfully.

"No I've been ill for a few weeks now and I was hoping to find out what's wrong with me" Remus replied and smiled.

"Mmmm… ok. Well if you want to follow me to my office I can ask you some questions and we can see where you can go. Oh yes how rude of me, I am Doctor kelcy" doctor kelcy said, still smiling, and stuck out his hand.

"I'm Remus Lupin" Remus said, also smiling, and took the offered hand and shook it.

After that doctor kelcy told Remus to follow him and started making his way to his office. Remus was trying to catch up but the doctor was really fast for a small elderly man. They had to go up two flights of stairs and through 5 or 6 corridors to get to the small man's office, by the time they reached it Remus was out of breath. When he was able to breath properly he found that the door before him was open and the doctor had gone in. Remus stood up strait and went in. He found himself in a large-ish room with a desk covered with papers and forms with a chair behind it and two chairs in fount, some cupboards with some equipment, some of which sent shivers down Remus's spine, on top, a small sink in one corner and an examination table with a large sheet of tissue paper on it.

"Mr. Lupin, please take a seat" doctor kelcy offered indicating to one of the chairs in fount of the desk as he settled himself on the one behind.

"Yes, thank you" Remus managed to say between chattering teeth, he had never been good with hospitals and doctors and wished so much that Sirius was there to comfort him.

"Ok so you said that you've been ill for a few weeks or so now" doctor kelcy said recalling their convocation before and started making some notes. Remus nodded his head in reply. " Would you be able to tell me what's been happening?" he asked.

Remus nodded, " well every morning I've been throwing up, I've had really odd cravings and, even though I've been throwing up all my food, I've managed to put on two pounds" he sighed. The doctor wrote all things Remus had said on the paper, well at least that's what he thought it was because, as every doctor seems to suffer from, it was written in completely illiterate handwriting.

After he finished taking down notes doctor kelcy looked up. "Ok I think I've got all the information I need. So if you care to follow me we can get you checked out" he said and smiled again. He got up and led Remus out of the room. They went down three corridors and Remus was about to ask where they were before a nurse came out of a room and looked at Remus then a the doctor then nodded after doctor kelcy showed her the scrawl on the peace of paper, amazingly it looked like she could understand it, then they ushered Remus into the room and sit on a chair.

This room looked similar to doctor kelcy office except it was a bit larger and it had some strange equipment which Remus had no idea what they did, but it wouldn't be long before he knew exactly what they were there for and what part of the building they were in…

The nurse, who had disappeared while Remus was examining the room, had come back and in her hand was a thin long box. She handed it to Remus and told him what to do with it and pointed to a door and told him to go in there. Remus nodded and obeyed. A few minutes later he returned and handed the box back to the nurse and told him it would take a few minutes for it to work.

Finally, after the longest seven minutes of his life, the nurse returned and smiled and said " congratulations Mr. Lupin you are pregnant!"


	2. Chapter 2

I can't believe it! CHAPTER 2

"WHAT! How can that be!" Remus exclaimed confused, embarrass and quite distressed. "Men can't get pregnant," he gasped, collapsing into the closed chair, which he leaped out of once the nurse said the last three words.

"Well… erm…" the nurse stammered trying to think of the best way to explain how Remus got pregnant.

"Well… erm… what" Remus asked starting to get a bit nervous.

"Ok. Do you want to now all the facts?" the nurse asked hoping that Remus would calm down.

"Please" he sighed not looking up since tears of distress were welling and his eyes.

The nurse sat down so she could look at Remus then started to explain. After the long minutes trying to digest that he was pregnant and why the nurse finaly stoped.All in all aprantly he was born with female parts. "Do you want me to say any more?"

"No, it's all right I think I sort of understand" he said shakily and smiled weakly. "But would you tell me the things that are going to happen to me during, what I assume is going to be nine months carrying a baby"

"Yes, well if you don't mind me saying, but do know who the father is?" the nurse wanted to know because of the many men she has treated who had know idea who the other father to their child was. Remus nodded. "Well if you want to discuss with him if you want to keep the baby or not because there is always the option to have an abortion" she said softly.

Remus looked up at her and said in a soft but confidant voice "I'm going to keep this child" and smiled.

She smiled back, quite relived since most decide to get rid of the baby with out a moment's hesitation. "Ok, well you will have morning sickness for about tow more months, and you will gain weight. You will have to book a fortnightly appointment to have cheek up's on you and the baby during the nine months. Sometime during the ninth month you will go into labor we will explain things from there. You must try not to get to stressed because that can trigger an early labor. Also when you get more heavily pregnant you wont be able to do things that you could before like lift heavy objects and you wont be able to perform spells properly, you will tire quickly and should avoid flying and apperating, the shock of witch could be dangerous for hes health". Remus nodded understanding everything. "Also the tests show that you are about three months pregnant" that made Remus look up. _Wow three months I never knew it was that long!_ Remus thought amazed.

"So is it a boy then?" he said wanting to know.

"well do you want to know?" Remus nodded "well its a girl!"

It was about an hour later before Remus left. He was trying to get as much information as possible from the nurse. As he made his way back to the main entrance he was wondering what the future would be like for himself, Sirius and the new baby, which was growing inside him right now.

Nearly 10 minutes later he appeared back in Sirius's bedroom. He found the man sleeping in a tight ball on the bed. He walked over to him and kissed his ear then whispered "love, I'm back". Sirius's eyes flickered open and when he saw who was next to him he leaped off the bed and gathered Remus into his arms before Remus could say hello.

"Why did you take so long" Sirius crocked, he sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

Remus made Sirius look at him, smiled and said "Sirius, love, I'm pregnant". Time just seemed to slow so seconds felt like minutes and minutes felt like hours before Sirius laughter of joy and kissed Remus so passionately that he nearly collapsed.

Sirius led Remus to his bed, where they lay down and refused to let go of each other. After long minutes of proving that they didn't want to be apart again Remus reluctantly stopped kissing Sirius, but his lover didn't take the hint that he wanted to talk to him and carried on kissing his neck and worked his way up to his ear. "Si, please, we need to talk about this", the smaller man squeaked to his long term, and hope fully permanent, partner in a soft voice, the feeling of Sirius's lips on his neck was tantalizing and as a result it made his voice squeak when he spoke.

"About-what-love?" he said between kisses.

The kisses were distracting Remus so he had to pull away. "Sirius I'm serious," he whispered but his voice was strong. "What are we going to do about the baby?" it was still to fresh to say with out difficulty and there was a part of his mind witch couldn't give in to the truth.

Tentatively Sirius put his hand on Remus's stomach, "I don't mind, what do you want to do, it is in your stomach" Sirius said meekly, looking in to Remus's eyes.

"That's true but it is _our_ child," Remus replied, emphasizing that the baby growing with in him was both of theirs and not just his.

Sirius was thinking about those words when the thought started to sink in. This could be his chance, maybe his only chance, to become a parent. And with that a thought kept repeating in his head, _please keep the baby, please don't have an abortion. _

They just sat there in silence until it got unbearable. It was Remus who broke the silence. In a hushed tone he said, "I want to keep the baby," he tried to put on a brave smile and gazed even more deeply into his lover's eyes.

Sirius beamed truly and hugged his wolfy lover so tightly that Remus let out a squeak, he loosened his grip and exclaimed "oh, love that's, that's so bloody wonderful!" He lost control of him self and burst into excited laughter.

Remus returned the strong hug and said joyfully "thank you, oh thank you so much!" As the last three words escaped his mouth his voice started to crack and a large tear spilled over his eyelid.

Sirius pulled back, tears of joy and happiness were welling in his, and wiped the tear off his lover's cheek, "we are going to be parents" he managed to say before his own voice started to crack. He closed the space between them and kissed Remus passionately.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

A week after Remus found out the news of his pregnancy and two weeks after the full moon, Remus was sitting up in bed, his head resting against his pillow and Sirius was talking to his stomach. At three months a bump was quite clear on Remus's stomach

"So, Sirius, after you have finished you convocation with are child, and by the sound of it he, or she, is so board they fell asleep and I don't blame them" he giggled and found his lovers pillow in his mouth. "Fwot fia cellf" he mumbled and removed the pillow.

Sirius couldn't hold back a grin. "So what were you saying?"

Remus glared at the other man. "I was saying that if you have finished taking to the baby would you talk to me?" He said putting on a neglected voice and pouting face.

Sirius kissed his lovers stomach, for the millionth time, and snuggled up under the covers against Remus's body. "So what do you want to talk about?" he said in a seductive voice and rubbed Remus's stomach.

"Ok, OK! That's enough" Remus managed to say laughing so much his sides hurt. He was extremely ticklish. He managed to stop Sirius's hand from moving by lacing his fingers with his lovers.

"I've been wondering…" Remus said and trailed off.

"What?" Sirius urged his lover on.

"Well… I forgot to ask the nurse some questions because I was still shocked. They've been killing my head for the past week! I know you've been REALY worried because I've been or quid lately but this is the reason why. I'm sorry I've been difficult but I've had lots on my mind" a tear trickled down his cheek.

"Oh love, please don't cry. If only you told me, I might have been able to help you carry the burden"

"They've been haunting me Sirius, haunting me!" Remus sobbed in to his lovers shoulder; letting his emotions get the better of him. Sirius muttered calming spells under his breath to sooth Remus, which he seemed to do more and more often now. "I mean what if I forget to take, or run out of, my potion! What would happen then? I mean I don't know what I would do. It's just everything is just ganging up on me, all the consequences of what could happen" he burst into tears again.

"Shhhhh love. On your next appointment you can get all the answers you need. I have know idea on what your going through, being pregnant and all, but I want to help you through it every step of the way. I don't want you to feel alone, that's the last thing I want you to feel, I want you to trust me so I can try to help you, so this type of thing doesn't happen again" Sirius said in to Remus's hair, clutching the smaller man to him.

Remus clung onto Sirius and said in to his lovers shoulder "I know, its just frustrating having so many questions and getting no answers, but, as you said, I'll live till my next appointment. It's just… I want everything to be right again, no more 'dark lord', no more having to hid away no more ordeals, and, most of all, for you to be free. I don't want our baby girl to come in to this world full of violence and fear" he started to rub Remus's back, one of the only places where he wasn't ticklish. He felt Remus smile against his shoulder. "Anyway, as for questions I've got some".

"Ok, shoot." Remus muttered.

"Ok… what names have you come up with so far for her? Where you thinking of godparents? Will you marry me? What colour where you thinking of for her room?"

Remus smiled, he wasn't surprised by the 'disguised' question. He decided to ignore it and see what would be Sirius's reaction. He though the answer was so obvious that he didn't really need to answer it anyway.

"Well…erm…ok. I'm thinking of Willow, Faith or Charity I'm not sure, erm… Harry for one maybe Ginny but who knows and I'm thinking pale yellow or baby green once again I'm not sure", he smiled at his lover, he enjoyed seeing the look of confusion on Sirius's face.

"There great… but you forgot one of my other questions," he stared at his lover until Remus couldn't hold back a laugh.

"YES!" Remus exclaimed, throwing him self on to Sirius. "I thought the answer was so obvious that I didn't need to say!" he planted his lips softy on Sirius's. Sirius returned the kiss adding his warmth to the mix. The kisses started slow, like reminding themselves, but after a while they felt like they where whole, just one being, and the thing they where afraid of most was being separated for fear they might loose something. Remus, loving every moment of the connection with Sirius, forgot about the growing child within him until he felt his baby kick in his growing stomach. It was very faint but that wasn't the point, _he felt his baby move within him_. His child, a symbol of his and Sirius's love for each other, was alive and was moving and he knew it!

Remus pulled back, too much of Sirius's disappointment. Sirius held the love of his life close to his body, still scared of losing the connection between them. He saw the look of surprised and bewilderment on Remus's face. "What's the matter love?" he asked Remus, not under standing what Remus was so shocked about.

"Our baby moved" Remus's voice was but a whisper, he still couldn't believe it him self. "Darling, our baby moved! I felt it! I can't believe it!" Remus clung on to Sirius until he felt their child kick again. "Oh my god! And again, here, feel it" he lifted Sirius's hand and placed it on to his stomach.

Sirius felt a light tap against his hand. His eyes widened and a huge beaming smile appeared on his face. His baby, a living part of him and his lover, was alive and moving and he also knew it!

Keeping one hand on Remus's stomach he got his other hand and cupped his Lovers cheek in it and kissed him passionately.

To be continued…………


End file.
